I just couldnt look at that previous blog anymore, it was hurting my eyes. Summer is a wonderful time. Ive only laid out twice but im getting noticeably darker, i like it, its sexy...

We have been havin BG practice like crazy for boston, its so long and tedious, but so worth it, Boston will be amazing like it always is, plus its a bonus that i get to be with most of my best friends for a whole week, good times are upon us.

Ya know im really excited about college, and moving on and everything, and i understand that my mom is gonna have a harder time with it with each passing day, but shes drivin me crazy. She all of a sudden wants me to hang out with them more, when like 3 nights ago she was like "come home whenever" and that was awesome. Ill hang out with her and the fam of course, but they will always be there for me, my friends wont. That may sound pessimistic, but college changes everything, there are people ill be hangin out with the summer that i may never see again, and i want to take advantage of the time i have with them, i dunno its just frustrating me.

You know what i wish? I wish that scary movies would actually scare me like they did when i was little. Cuz now i just cant help but make a mockery of them and not be scared at all, and thats no fun, i like being scared every now and then. We watched fear dot com tonight, its not scary i wouldnt recommend it, it did however have these scenes with GIANT cockroaches that attacked this one girl, and i couldnt handled that i covered my eyes, that is my all time worst nightmare, that and swimming in a pool of mayonnaise, talk about hell. Birthday in 23 days, you need to start thinking about the wonderfully thoughtful and possibly expensive gift you will be getting me, have a great day.

"Hi my name is Jamie Simon, im a communications major from Grapevine, TX, but most importantly im the proudest member of the fightin Texas Aggie Class of 2008 AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!" I heard that over and over, but of course with different names majors locations and wildcats. I went to A&M this weekend, definitely one of my new favorite places. I registered for my classes and i really think im going to love it there. It all becomes more and more real everyday. My grandparents are packing their stuff up to move out at the beginning of July so the new family can move in. Which is exciting, but our house is slowly filling up with boxes as the walls become more bare everyday, and its just weird. My home life has been the same for 10 years and now everything is changing for everyone, its all so exciting though.

Im going on a cruise in like a month, and that is awesome. I have never been to the beach, i know im weird, so im really excited. Im gonna be all tan and hot lookin and man its one of the big reasons why this summer is going to be amazing. I didnt really have much to say, i just got bored i guess, today was a tired day, and going to jake austin and tylers graduation party tonight made me realize even more how weird its going to be not seeing these people all the time next year, as someone wrote in my yearbook sophomore year, "sometimes you have to make the most of your time with certain people."

I graduated highschool. its weird, it hasnt sunk in, i am now yet again reduced to the level of freshman, but it doesnt suck as bad this time. im going to a place where very few people know me, and so far only one has threatened to ruin my reputation, so thats a plus. im really bummed that i probably wont see certain people anymore, jason murray, jimmy callahan....the list goes on. just random people i never hung out on the weekends but loved talking to everytime i got the chance. this time last night, i wanna say we were all watching people in our class get hypnotized, that was some pretty funny stuff, im glad i went to project graduation, it totally screwed me up today, i went about 24 hours without food, and the sleep schedule is all off, but it was worth it.

my mom woke me up at 1045 this morning to say goodbye to my dog. i was so tired but i dragged my raggedy lookin self outta my bed to say goodbye to max. they put him in the car drove away and i cried. im gonna miss that little guy so much, sure he pooped on the carpet almost everyday without fail, and barked obnoxiously at everyone who entered our house. but i was in my room and heard something rustle and i turned to see if he was yet again getting into my stuff, but he wasnt there. you can make fun of me all you want, but he was the only man in my life who was there for me the last couple years, he may not have been able to give advice, but i sure did tell him all of my problems, who am i gonna talk to now?

its finally summer time, off to a rocky start but i know it will be amazing. i want to get tan, i want to look better and feel confident about myself, i want to hang out with my friends and make some good memories before we all go off to college and our lives change forever. i sincerely hope that after we go to college and come back for the first time, that not too much will be different, i know things will change, but im a big fan of consistency, and i cant imagine hanging out with my best friends 6 months from now and not having anything to say. one of the many things im worried about. i have been "alone" pretty much my whole life. i dont mean im lacking in friends i mean im lacking in....how do i say.....a special someone. i have given up in highschool, im not wanted in that way by guys, but i have been hoping alot this year that that will change before or in college. i dont know where im going with this, leah once told me that i have been searching this whole time for someone i can fall in love with...at first i thought that made me sound a little crazy, but then i realized...isnt that the point? i dont want to date someone i couldnt see myself marrying, im sorry thats just a waste of my time. that doesnt mean i want to get married now, but if the right guy is somewhere on the horizon, i want to find him ASAP, cuz i need to make up for lost time. im tired im hungry, and i dont know what im saying, im ready for life to get interesting.

Highschool ended today. i dont have my thoughts collected on that yet, i will address that another day. if you ever get in my car and i have the avril lavigne cd in, its a good indicator that i am or have recently been angry or frustrated. I listened to avril today, and of all days on my last day of highschool, i should have been having a great time. I got chipotle after my last class, and that was fun, but then i came home and the realization of my lack of friends, or i should say the lack of friends that have as much spare time as i do, kinda hit me and i got frustrated. So i took a nap to get rid of the heartburn which i still get on a very frequent basis. Anyways, i woke up in a bad mood, because nothing had changed, i woke up with friends who yet again were still too busy for me. Its not like im mad at them, i just like to be around people and my friends as much as i can, but im afraid i will find myself alone alot this summer and that kinda stinks. anyways avril is still in my cd player, i dont know why exactly, besides all that i just said, a few things just frustrate me on a pretty continuous basis, and they resurface every now and then, i guess today was just one of those days.

im so glad highschool is over, im so ready to be away from all these stupid people who do stupid things. im ready to meet new people who will see me for who i am and not for who i am known to be. im ready to feel good about myself around my group of friends, its hard when all of your friends are drop dead gorgeous, and your always considered "the good friend", i hate that. i guess im frustrated about that too. Its ok though, this day is almost over and i graduate in 2 days, so i guess i dont have any reason to complain. it all pretty much boils down to the fact that im a little lonely.

Boredom consumes me......you know why? Because i am officially done with highschool, and my grandmother is watching bad television on my TV that i have no choice to watch as well.....and its driving me crazy. Prom was this last weekend, so much fun, Jason Murray is such a pimp especially since his version of backin it up on the dance floor is walking backwards, but anyways i had a really great time, people say that prom isnt actually that great its what you do before that is fun, but its really what you make of it. Its easy to go to prom and just be like this is gay and choose not to have a good time, but i wasnt about to do that, so all around it really was a great night, you need to check out my pics, the link is in my profile on IM, the buzz free prom one is my personal favorite. Everyone was so gorgeous, intoxicated or otherwise, it was fun to see everyone get all dolled up.

Like i said, im officially done with highschool, i took my last test today and now going to school is just a matter of attendance. Its so weird to think we are graduating in four days, its going by so fast, we got our yearbooks today, and i was looking at everything realizing how it seemed like i was just an ugly freshman going to my very first class, and tripping as i was going up the stairs and having a bunch of older boys laugh at me. Now im the one pointing and laughing at the freshman, not because they tripped and fell, but because they are freshman. But i will be a freshman again soon, fortunately i will be at the greatest university in all the land.

I almost cried the night of prom. Not because my date ditched me, or because i didnt get prom queen (we all know the right girl won), but because my mother decided to inform me that this weekend we have to give my dog away. I love this dog, i love that he cant pee outside and eats the carpet. I love that he barks at people when they get here, and takes their knees out when we leave. He is adorable and so sweet, and i will cry when he is given away.

I finally saw Troy this weekend....not only was the persistent Brad Pitt nudity worth the money (wait a minute, i didnt even pay...but it was still worth the money) but the action was pretty good too, so i recommend it, ladies brace yourself, after the movie just ask yourself, captive or guest? You will understand.....

"immortality! take it.....its yours!"

Tonight i was driving home from church, like every other normal wednesday night, and i was at the intersection of cheeksparger/midcities and 157. The left turn arrow turned green, and me, not being in the left turn lane, just proceeded through the intersection, this truck from the opposite left turn lane started to go and i was like what is that jerk doing, i looked up and saw the light was red. It was a total moment of absentmindedness. Oh, and when i said tonight was just like every other night, i lied. It was totally different, i had a totally awful feeling in my stomach all through stomp practice i couldnt focus very well, and considering that room is so hot, i just wasnt doing well.

The night didnt start off that way, i went to church in good spirits not expecting to it to end the way it did. Tonight was senior smash (smash is the wednesday night youth service) in which seniors led, prayed with the underclassmen, and got prayed for. Well it was going really well, a really cool night, i had just prayed with three good friends of mine, and it made me happy to know that i had had some sort of positive effect on someone elses life. As i was headed back to my seat an underclassmen pulled me over and wanted to talk and pray and i was like ok thats cool, i knew who she was, but we werent really that close. She proceeded to sit me down and tell me how she felt and others felt that some of our senior class hadnt made the effort to reach out to anyone outside of their circle of friends, that we didnt try to get to know the people who dressed differently, or were involved in different things. It kinda caught me offguard, but i knew that some people in our grade who were like that. She proceeded to tell me that I was the main cause of her anger towards our class this year. That I had ignored her and not made the effort to get to know her, and i guess her friends better. I was shocked, i had no idea, so i cried. I didnt know what to do, what to say except apologize. She saw me all the time for nearly 2 years and felt anger and bitterness towards me.

I went back to my chair and sat down and just kept crying i couldnt stop. Im still really shaken up by it, i never ever intended to make her feel that way, and as i was walking around after church through the crowds of familiar faces, i couldnt help but feel that they all felt the same way, that they think i am stuck up and self centered and dont care about anyone but me and my friends. I never thought i was that way. I had stomp practice after and just sat in front of the fan hoping it would dry my tears. Tonights theme was leaving a legacy, and i was informed that i left a horrible legacy, that i actually instilled anger in other people. I feel sick, i cant focus on anything, i have an AP test to study for, i dont see that happening. I dont know what to do or think, this is the most awful feeling i have ever had in my life. The girl also told me that she had forgiven me and we prayed, and i think we will be ok, but nothing will ever be the same, apparantly i havent been a very good person the last couple years. I really screwed up this time.

This is going to sound totally weird and corny, but as we all know friends ended this week, and it was kinda hard. I havent been able to keep up as much in the last few years due to business, but i got to thinking....i have been watching that show for 10 years, since the very beginning. With the exception of my mother, its really the only thing that has been a consistent part of my life for one of the most critical times in my life. My real friends have come and gone, i look at my 8th grade yearbook at the people who said they cherished my friendship and that we would be best friends forever, now i cant even carry on a conversation with them, i have no clue to say i dont know how to relate, i know people are gonna come and go out of your life, and you will change and they will change, but theres really no way to prepare for that. If you would have told me in 8th grade that i wouldnt still be best friends with all those guys and girls i would have thought you were crazy, we were gonna be together forever, things change. And now i have totally new friends, with the exception of two, and they are incredible, i love them im so blessed, and i sometimes think i wouldnt be able to have them now if my friends from middle school hadnt become phased out with the entrance of high school. The point is, the show friends has been always been there through losing and gaining real friends, and yea its just a tv show i know, but it was a big part of me.

Just as a warning, these next 2 weeks leading to graduation will probably be accompanied by blogs remembering the past, looking forward to the future, and being really corny and boring and sappy. What can i say thats me, corny boring and sappy, you have been warned, tell your mother you love her. I have two AP exams this week and i can genuinely say i do not care how i do on them, i know i should, but its not going to happen im so close to being done i can smell it like the sweet lingering smell of spring creek barbeque that is wafting through my house after mothers day lunch. I love barbeque.

I got to go to field day with my service learning kids this last friday, i have three magical mystical awe inspiring adrenaline pumping words for you.....tug.....of......war. I got to see my 2nd graders do tug of war, the look of pure struggle and putting all of their might into pulling that little piece of tape on the middle of the rope across their chalked line. The pain, the struggle, the desire to win, and say "we may not have won any other events, but we won the tug of war....we won the day" if you think about it it really was all that mattered back then, sure the balloon toss was fun, obstacle course was.....well, an obstacle, and the three legged race was all about the strategy. But tug of war was about the glory, class against class, it really was a test to see whos fat kids were stronger, lets not kid ourselves. I had to stand by and watch in nervous anticipation as they were pitted against the other class, sweat on their brows and blisters and burns on their hands, as they slipped in the grass and tried desperately to get up and help their classmates to victory. My class lost that day, but they still have three more tug of wars to win. I tasted that glory, the thrill of victory, of hearing that whistle blow and dropping the rope before you were instructed to do so in order to celebrate the crushing defeat you just handed to the popular kids who were so mean to you all year. I tasted the glory.

I still need a prom purse, do you know where i could find a good one?

"heres to the nights we felt alive"

Alright, i know like 4 people have already done this but i wanted to do it, so here you go again......

name four bad habits you have:
1. playing with my hair constantly (not eating it, all you who think thats what i do)
2. procrastinating
3. being too emotional
4. my eating habits, you all know how healthy i am....

name four things that you wish you had:
1. black escalade....ridin spinners....yea
2. a boat
3. my diploma (only 16 days)
4. Brad Pitt

name four scents you love:
1. most all of guys cologne, it smells oh so good
2. new car smell
3. freshly baked chocolate chip cookies
4. any of my 7 Victoria's Secret perfumes (thats right 7)

name four things you'd never wear:
1. anything in Jamie Arendt's Closet (no offense, its just really not my style)
2. those ridiculously short Hollister skirts
3. those bras made of the extremely thin material
4. anything burnt orange

name four things you are thinking about right now:
1. R Kelly peeing on you
2. hoping my prom dress is altered correctly
3. AP exams
4. wondering when my heartburn will go away

name four things that you have done today:
1. took the AP english exam
2. bought prom tickets and picked a table to sit at
3. ate chipotle for lunch....mmm good
4. bought my moms mothers day gift

name the last four things you have bought:
1. Chipotle
2. Prom Tickets
3. Prom Bling
4. Clothes from American Eagle

name four bands/groups/genres most people don't know you like:
1. Frank Sinatra (almost anyone in the Rat Pack)
2. The Beatles
3. Avril Lavigne
4. Josh Kelley

name four drinks you regularly drink:
1. Jack
2. Jim
3. Crown and water
4. Wine coolers

name four random facts about yourself:
1. I was a cheerleader for two years
2. My stepmoms brother played for the cardinals and the cowboys
3. Ive been on TV twice
4. Im almost 18 and i still havent kissed a guy, do i qualify for sainthood yet?

"surprise surprise, right in your eyes"

So today was the big day......Brad Pitt was on Oprah, for a whole hour i got to stare into his big beautiful blue eyes, admire his perfect bone structure, and see previews for my new favorite movie Troy. Does Jennifer Aniston really know what she has, i mean REALLY understand, that she has the most attractive man that has ever lived?! The man oozes sex.....thats all it is, enough said.

I have always been so against tanning beds, the last month i have totally gone against my beliefs, but i have to admit, i enjoy being tan, you just kinda feel more attractive.....ready for summer, thats for sure. Maybe God is punishing me for doing this, cuz when i tan, i know its not happening (at least i hope it isnt), but i feel as though the massive amounts of fake UV rays that are concentrating themselves on me are frying my insides, i have always heard things like if you do it enough itll mess up your ovaries, but its not just those, its all throughout my body, i could be melting.....this is bad. The sad thing is there are girls and women that live in those stupid things, and let me tell ya, their ovaries are a whole lot worse off than mine, so i dont really even know what im talkin about.

So ok you are all going to think i am a huge loser, but im a girl, i like dressing up and i dont care what you think, because you love me anyways, or else you wouldnt be reading this, you would have ditched me and thrown eggs at my car a long time ago. But you havent because you cant live without me and my really really good stories. The point is, you understand my oddities, and you embrace them, why? I dont know, but anyways, i digress, so last night i finally got my prom shoes (target flipflops, dont make fun....comfort counts) so i have everything, shoes, jewelry, dress pretty much everything necessary, so i try it all on, to see how well i did....i think i did pretty good, the jewelry oh man in a word BLING, watch out may 14th yall gonna be blinded by my diamond rings and things, yea. THE POINT IS, i was in all this for like a half hour just chillin, pretty much staring at my jewelry and watching it sparkle in the flourescent light and being happy that i am no longer pasty and pale, good story huh?

Ya know for a lesbian, Ellen Degeneres is pretty stinking funny.

My Best Friends Wedding.....story of my life. It just proves there will always be someone better, smarter, brighter, more beautiful, more wanted/desired, than you, maybe not you, but probably me, say what you will, thats what i feel and many aspects of my life prove that to be true, and if you think im talking about boys and only boys, thats not true, this applies to everything. So im sitting here trying to figure out if at some point in my life that wont be true anymore.