I have decided that i want a theme for my blogs, like Jo has decided now to write in metaphor's, i would like something that is original, some sort of format i follow i guess, because, i think im losing my fan base here, so i need to maybe go on a little hiatus from blogging, until i can come back with something utterly fantastic, i dont think anyone would really miss it that much anyways.

I was thinking it would be cool to pick one person, like a good friend, or really any person in general, and by that i mean famous or unknown, someone i know or someone i dont know, and just write about them. Nothing bad, because why would i want to do that? I didnt create this to spend my time bashing people and pointing out why i am better than them, even though i am better than all of you. Im only kidding. I started this because i think at the time, i thought i had really profound thoughts, and this was a good way of expressing them without having to express them over and over to each of you, ya know what i mean? Well now that i have seem to run out of profound thoughts or anything even remotely worth reading, im contemplating making a theme, this is really the only theme i have thought of, so if you have any cool ideas, please let me know, that is what the comments section is for, or if you think i should stick with my old method, let me know, i need some feedback here, because i realize more and more everyday that i write this more for you than for me, because if i wrote it just for me, i dont think i would want everyone reading them, that is personal information, and since personal is not synonymous with public, ill keep my biznass my biznass and let you get the leftovers. Long story short, im not gonna write anymore unless i have something really good to say, or unless there is an uprising and violent protest to me taking this break, in any event let me know what you think i should do.

"are you telling me youre going to light my country music award on fire?"

The Passion of the Christ

Amazing. Breathtaking. Shocking. Intense. Brutal. Truthful. Out of all those words, which in some cases dont do this movie justice, truthful is the best of them all. This movie, is really purely biblical, so many details were so right, some were probably off, but you know no ones perfect. Jesus Christ was perfect. He was perfect until our sins nailed his hands to that cross. Thats all i could think of the whole movie, once they started whipping him and beating him, all i could think of was "he went through that because of me" and i think that contributed to alot of the tears. So many times i just wanted to stand up and scream at the people in the movie to stop torturing him, to stop hurting him, to quit giving him the punishment i deserved. The tears were just streaming down my face everytime i heard the crack of the whips or the hammers hitting the nails, because the whole time that is going on, he is asking God to forgive those who hurt Him, amazing love. Needless to say this movie had a huge effect on me. I found myself most of the time with tears slowly just rolling down my face with my hands clenched around my letter jacket, and i was just trembling. I cant explain why exactly, i was shaking until well after the movie was over. I went and saw it with lauren sierra, and after it was over we just sat in the theatre for like 10 minutes, neither of us could really move. This movie was so well made, so well acted, and the plot....well we pretty much all know the plot, i just dont think it could have gotten any better. I have been told all my life the details of the crucifixion, how painful it was and everything and i was just like wow thats rough. Tonight i saw it, and it has totally changed my perspective on things. The cross has an even deeper meaning now.....he died for us, he went through pain and suffering im not even going to try to describe because i cant, i dont think its possible. But he went through it for us, to give us just the slightest chance of spending eternity in heaven with him, he did it knowing that up until the day he came back people were going to continue to reject him and curse his name, he did it for them as much as he did it for every person who has ever accepted him into their hearts. You need to see this movie, i cant get it out of my head, and i dont know when i will, for some reason i just feel like im moving in slow motion, i dont know why. I think maybe it because i have put things into perspective a little more, the things in life i would worry so much about seem so trivial. I feel like i dont have the right to complain about anything, because after seeing that, nothing that could ever happen to me could be so painful, physically or spiritually. That movie just totally rocked me, i knew it would be amazing, but you cant prepare for the impact it will have. I cant get it out of my head because its true, because its the most beautifully grotesque picture of love the world will ever see. And finally it is there for the whole world to see and understand, i just pray that God will do something so amazing with this movie, millions upon millions of lives could be impacted, added to his kingdom, i remember in the end of the movie crying of course just thinking to myself "Praise the Lord....Praise the Lord...." and you are thinking why the heck would you think that? i thought that because God did that.....Jesus gave his life, so that we could spend eternity in paradise with him, so that we could know true peace, and eternal life without pain and suffering, without him going through all of that and three days later raising again, we would all be doomed, but we arent, and thats why this movie is just so indescribable.

"For God so loved the world, that he gave his one and only son, that whosoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have everlasting life." ~John 3:16

I am a little disappointed in my last entry, i always try to write blogs that are thought provoking or at least interesting, i enjoy getting comments it makes me feel......good i guess, and i dont really know why, because i havent quite yet decided if a blog was more for your personal entertainment, or for my need to vent. It could be used for both i suppose, im exciting, im entertaining, im all over the place and you never know whats gonna happen next when you are with me.....or maybe you do, because with me most things dont change. I do alot of the same stuff but my feeble attempts to make it something exciting and different each time often fail me, oh well its ok, because life is good.

I have developed a few new driving habits, i eat alot more when i drive, i dance alot more when i drive, and i often find myself driving without the use of my hands. Now on the surface you would say "jamie you idiot, you are going to kill us all" and to that i say, well if that is the case then you better make sure every time you go out on the road you have all your issues straightened out with everyone you know because you may not live to tell them again. Ok im really not that dangerous, the only wreck i have ever been in wasnt my fault. Because with these things becoming habit i have mastered them, i am the pro at eating a cupcake, drinking a water bottle and maybe doin a little dance to whatever song happens to come on the radio that i hear and just cant help but start dancin to. Im good at it, i wont do all this on the highway though, just the dancing. I dance in the car because it is fun, because even though i am surrounded by perfectly transparent windows i feel like i am in my own world and no one can see me, kinda like when you dance around in your room in your underwear singing into a hairbrush at your reflection in the full length mirror on your wall. Its the same for me, it makes life more fun, was music not made for us to dance? I think it was, and that makes me excited for prom, because i may not be the best dancer but im workin on it, and by the time prom rolls around im gonna be awesome, and even if i think i am and im not, i wont really care if i look like a fool in front of you people, because in 6 months i wont ever see most of you ever again, so at least you can remember me as that crazy white girl who cant dance but sure knows how to have alot of fun.

Once again i waste your time and mine, but humor me and comment anyways, just to let me know im not writing this crap for nothing.

"Excuse me, your balls are showing.....bumblebee tuna!"

So im watching cruel intentions on tv, and ive never seen it, and everyone talks about how its so good. Granted i definitely get the impression im missing alot due to editing because even the stuff they allow on tv is pretty risque.....i mean ryan philippe's bare butt (i act as though i dont think hes been working out) was just all up in my face, and i didnt really see that coming, but anyways, this movie is good in a purely evil, psychotic sort of way. It seems to me that all it is, is two very sexually charged people manipulating a bunch of retards because.......they can i guess? i dont really know, all i know its weird and twisted, but there is something about it that i still like, most of it is probably ryan philippe, i never really noticed how good lookin he was, despite what appears to be a natural lump in his forehead.....its kinda buggin me.

So i was workin out today, and you cant help when you are working out to observe the people around you, and some people you wonder if they leave the house thinking "man i look tough with my teal t shirt tucked into my obnoxiously short grey shorts exposing my skinny white hairy legs, man i think im gonna pick up some chicks" i think not, its just gross, and then its hard to contain the laughter when they pick up like tiny little weights to do a really easy lift and make it look hard thinkin that also will make them look tough, its funny because they just look like a bunch of idiots, so at least working out is almost always entertaining, i did however see trey kreueger that wasnt unpleasant, like most people i kinda wanted to throw a dumbell at him, but teal-shirt-tucked-into-too-short-for-comfort-grey-shorts-guy had the light weights, i didnt want to kill the kid, just dent him a little so the light weights would have been ideal, but they were obviously being used for more important purposes.

Mmmmm spring break is what, three weeks away? man i cant wait, im going skiing for the first time, and i hope im good, because when i tried water skiing that failed miserably, and its hard to have fun when you suck at something, its just painful and frustrating and embarassing, because everyone you're with is like geez its not that hard just stand up on the ski's and go, so im like ok i can do it and i would get up for two seconds then tumble forward into the water with nothing to show for it except for a ski floating in the water and a wedgie from said water flying between my legs as i go crashing into it, and that hurts, that doesnt make for a good vacation, so lets hope snow skiing is a little more pleasant, and if im fortunate maybe i will run into some good lookin guys vacationing as well ;) (i apologize if that was slightly graphic, but sometimes the truth isnt always a picnic).

"You make me feel inadequate"

This has been a really good week, i have been in a really good mood all week and thats nice, i like that. I kinda freaked out a couple minutes ago over college stuff, mostly because ya know my mom was like "you have to apply for housing now!" and i was like"NO, i do what i want!" ok maybe i didnt actually say that but im thinking i kinda wanted to, she was driving me nuts.

This afternoon me and emily finally saw You Got Served together, we have been wanting to see it since we saw a preview for it when we saw Honey together. So me and emily happen to enjoy corny movies centered around hip hop dancing, gangsta's to the core and all that, why? because they are awesome, because the plots and acting are so terrible but the dancing makes up for it all. I wish to the ends of the earth i could dance like a black girl, they are incredible, where i am over here, doing the white kids running man, and the traditional "i cant do any other dance so im gonna try to moonwalk" we all know that never turns out very well. There was this one time at church camp where my friends tried to teach me how to C walk, yea that didnt go over very well, but i dunno i havent really tried in a few years maybe all these years livin on the streets of Cville have given me a lil rythym, a lil flava.....oh you know.....(haha im funny)

Ok so there was a lot of break dancing in that movie, and alot of those are spinnin on their heads, and maybe im just dumb, but someone please explain to me how they do that for like 30 seconds without their necks snapping and their bodies just crumpling to the floor. Its so cool, but i dont get it. I kinda think that the ability to dance like that is something that comes naturally, i even know some white people who were born good dancers, not as good as the black folk of course, but still good (do i sound racist?) And i was wondering if those skills could ever be taught, like with alot alot of practice maybe someday i could be on a "crew" and go around winnin money by challenging other "crews" and letting the best dancers win. And i would win, because i am the best.......right yea, more like the best liar because i would get my butt whooped, and probably with a smile on my face, because i would get to see that awesome dancing up close.

And not only do i lack the skill to dance like that, and dont have the proper wardrobe or.....whats the word....the proper anything to be a freakin awesome break dancer, im prolly closer to a line dancer than anything, and even then i would probably trip over my own feet, but hey im working on it, im gonna be all like julia stiles in save the last dance and everyone is gonna be like "go white girl....." and at that moment i will feel truly indestructable.....why? because i will become a triple threat! athlete dancer, and awesome story teller, because you just sat here and read the last 4 paragraphs about absolutely nothing......i kept you captivated, making my compelling story telling the third component to my unbeatable triple threat......

"you suckers just got served"

***The next huge paragraph wont mean anything to those of you who have either never played a sport, or never had something be a part of your life for ten years that was suddenly gone, so if neither of those sound like you, the next paragraph will be pretty boring, it was more for my benefit than yours i guess.......***

Its over. The end of an era. For the first time in the last 10 years i am unable to call myself a basketball player. Our exit from the playoffs came just as quickly as our entrance and my basketball career ended before i even knew what happened. I remember a few moments, the first being that i just didnt play well, no one did, and thats a hard note to go out on. But i also remember all the fans we had, the people that came to see us, and just us, that was cool. Most of all i remember the feeling when the last buzzer sounded and my career ended. I shook the other team's hands with tears forming in my eyes, and as soon as i turned around and headed back to the bench to get my things, i lost it. I started just crying and crying, its like a part of me is missing. I know alot of times, especially in the last couple years you would think that i hated basketball and there were times that i hated the situations surrounding basketball, but i never ever hated the sport. I loved it, i still do. It all kinda hit me at once how much im gonna miss the little things, like playing defense, shooting freethrows, blocking shots and hitting threes. Im never really gonna get to do that again, not with a team, and its weird. The first thought i remember having when i was walking out to the bus was "for the first time in the last 4 months i wish i didnt have free time" i wanted to practice, i wanted to see those girls everyday, i already missed it, and it all happened so fast. Thats whats tough about playoffs. Its so exciting to go, you feel like you accomplished something like you reached a goal. But at the same time, especially if youre a senior, you cant prepare for the loss. I really thought we had a good chance of winning, i really did, but you know that if you lose your out, but when you feel like you are gonna win, its hard to prepare for potentially the last game you will ever play. But there got to be a point in last nights game when i knew that was gonna be it, and i wasnt prepared because you are used to seasons ending and then preparing for the next season, not seasons ending and thats it. So it kinda hits you like a mack truck. I remember sittin in the lockerroom with my face buried in my jersey and i looked at myself and i was like i have been wearin basketball uniforms most of my life, and im takin it off for good tonight. Its just weird. Words cant really explain so i dont know why i tried. Sorry to waste your time, anyways........

I have an issue. I play with my hair alot. Those of you that know me well have noticed this and its about time i make a correction. I DONT EAT MY HAIR, nor do i chew on it. I just kinda sweep it across my lips, why? because im weird, because im quirky, and because in 7th grade i saw an 8th grader doing it and i started doing it to, so blame it on her if it annoys you, cuz i really am trying to stop, its just hard. My aunt saw me doing it once and she was like, you know when girls do that it means they want to be kissed, and i blushed because well......who doesnt want to be kissed? But anyways it might be getting out of hand, and if it annoys you im sorry, but i promise im not eating it, if i get hungry i will go find something else to eat other than my hair, im not that desperate for nourishment. I did suck my thumb when i was little, maybe this is my grown up replacement, i dont know just a thought.......

I think im the only teenager so far to have developed acid reflux disease (ok i dont actually have it but it feels like it, i get heartburn alot :(......)

"and you kissed me like you meant it....and i knew that you meant it"

Taking risks is something that is so hard to do. People tell you to take risks all the time, but they just dont know. They dont know that feeling you get in the pit of your stomach everytime you even think about telling someone how you feel about them, telling someone you are close to that they hurt you so much and they dont even realize it, mostly with their words. These people that tell you to take a chance dont fully understand the consequences that entail pouring out your heart to someone. Of course it all depends on the person that you pour your heart out to. If its the guy/girl you like it could mean getting everything you thought you always wanted or losing someone that you sometimes feel you couldnt live without. They may feel the same way or only see you as a friend. They may be mature enough if they dont feel the same way to continue with life as it was before, which is so much easier. Or they could totally withdraw from you and take a long long time to just be able to carry on a normal conversation with you, and the thought of them doing that tears you up inside. You are consumed with the fear of complete and total rejection, but the mere thought of them sharing your feelings gives you chills and makes you smile. You would know that at any random time in the day the thought of you makes them smile. That when they see your screenname change from away to active that they cant wait to talk to you, but they are too stubborn to say anything to you, you know they want to, but they just cant find the words. You love that about them. Or of course you get up the courage to totally spill your guts in the name of love or whatever, and you come to realize that they wouldnt even think about you when you werent around unless someone else brought you up, and the thought would only be passing. You feel totally exposed, like they can see your insides, something you hid from them for so long is out in the open only for it to be thrown back in your face. Unrequited love.

You tell your friend who has been hurting you emotionally for so long and everything between you changes. Inside jokes dont seem as funny, and the necessity to maintain the friendship over time suddenly loses its priority. This again of course depends on the friend. He/she may not have realized what they were doing to you and work to change their ways, and appreciate you and your friendship more. Or they could be totally offended and detach from you, and before you know it your "BFF" is out of you life just as fast as he/she got in. And that really hurts, because good friends are hard to find, and even harder to replace.

So when the time comes that there is a potential that a risk like these could be taken all these thoughts run through our mind. Our hopes and fears about how this person could react, over and over until you make a decision. You decide that it would be worth the risk if it worked out positively, maybe even better than you imagine. But just as you get the courage to do it, the thought of losing the person that makes you laugh so hard you cry,and that is always there when you need them makes your hands shake and your voice quiver as you get ready to talk them, whether it be in person, on the phone or even online. Its one of those moment of truth things where so much hangs on the next few words that come out of your mouth. You want to say it just right, perfectly, as though your wording would actually change their reaction to what the words actually mean.

We all understand these feelings because the time to take a risk has come to us all at some point in our lives in many different ways. And each time we handle it differently, in some cases its better that the risk isnt taken, and in some cases taking the risk is the best way to go. The bad thing is you dont really know which is which unless you take the risk. Taking risks is something that is so hard to do.


"have you ever been told before, that your lovely and your perfect and that somebody wants you"

Slap me in the face and condemn me to hell i skipped church tonight to take a nap. I have no homework for the next two nights, but i just need my sleep. Im a terrible person i know, and dont worry im gonna do a little bible study on my own tonight....just not at the church.

Hey guess what....for the first time since the 99-00 season the lady panther basketball team has a winning record and is headed to playoffs.....i hear its something about the standout senior class that has turned the program around but i dont know i could be wrong..... ;) But really im just so excited, playoffs in both of my sports my senior year....it couldnt get any better, because now im actually enjoying it, i dont feel as much pressure i just wanna go out there and play hard and have fun, because i can see the end and im ready for it, but its gonna change everything. For the first time since like 6th grade im gonna have free time, no season, no off season no preseason, sure i will have track but i throw discus, its not a sport and its a joke. The only thing that would need to happen to make this year absolutely perfect would be to break the school record. I am just 5 inches away....and i can do it.

Isnt it nice when you smell good? I just took my hair out of my ponytail and it fell about my face and it smelled like shampoo and it smelled so good, the kind of smell you want other people to smell, I think its because i have had to use my moms shampoo the last couple of times, so since im back to my stuff it just smells especially good. And you know the same goes with perfume, my goal is to take off my sweatshirt to let someone borrow it and when they put it on they are like man this smells good! Or even when i walk by a guy and they get a wiff of you and they are like dang she smells good! Cuz i know there is something about a guy that smells really good, not overpowering but faint enough to where you get a wiff and leave you wanting more, thats nice, that is who i will become.

Maybe that is what i will do on valentines day.....get all dolled up and smellin oh so good and go to public places where attractive single men will be and just grace them with my presence, with just enough of me to leave them wanting more ;) because its not like i have anything better to do! Valentines was made for couples and elementary schools. Remember in elementary school when you would make that little box with the hole in the top and everyone brought cards for everyone and you always looked forward to reading the one from your crush in hopes that there is a subliminal love message to you in it?! I know im not the only one, because we all did and we all know it. I miss that, i miss those days when valentines day wasnt the loneliest day of the year, because i know this year it really will be for me. And thats ok, because im still hopin someday ill have a valentine, and for once since the 5th grade this day wont make me sad and slightly bitter. Im happy for all my friends who have special someones because i want them to be happy and they are, all im sayin is.....its gonna be a lonely night. :/

"i hate it when your not around, and the fact that you didnt call, but mostly i hate the way i dont hate you, not even close, not even a little bit, not even at all"

This week has been such an affirming week for me. So many little activities and events that have made me feel better about myself. First i got a really special cool gift from a cool friend of mine that made me feel really appreciated, like i was making a difference in someone's life, and i needed that. Then in PALS we did that thing where you write your name on the top of a piece of paper and pass it around and everyone says something nice about you, and that always makes you feel good about yourself so that was nice. Then yesterday before shoot around, i opened my bag and inside the nedderman left me a note apologizing for not being able to be there, as well as many other nice things and she made me two cd's. THEN i went home and i was gettin ready for my game and my mom had left me a card on my uniform cuz ya know, last night was senior night and even though it was my mom it was still nice. Then finally before the game the underclassmen gave us cards and gifts and read the card, and i just felt better about everything. It just kinda reminded me that people can really appreciate the things you do for them but just not be able to express it very well outloud, and im ok with that now, i dont think i was before.

So all in all im feeling really good about myself, after i read that card from the team it just made me realize even more how special this team is and how awesome this season has been. Yea there have definitely been low points, but i love these girls and i really am gonna miss not havin them around all the time. As i said last night was senior night, and i had always wondered what the last home game was gonna be like, always wondered if i was gonna play well, always hopin we would win. And we did, we beat grapevine, i made a shot at the buzzer off a pass from nicki who got the pass from megan who got a rebound on the other end. That was the best way to go out. All three seniors incorporated on the last play, and it was all so surreal. It didnt really kinda hit me until the guys game that i was never gonna play on that court again, that i was never gonna have my name called and get to throw that ball out into the crowd, that i was never gonna get to lead my team in warmup on our court again. Its all over, and its weird. But i have closure, i think im ready, its gonna be hard and its gonna be sad, i have played for 10 years, but i have come to find out that all good things come to an end.....most of the time. There is of course one thing that i would love to go on forever....to stay good forever, and it may....but it just needs to begin somewhere. ~You have no idea what im talking about ;)~

"who wants cream?......nobody?......ok no cream...."

I have decided i am the biggest loser ever, all i do is blog, ok not all i do, but i take time out of every single day to do it for some reason. Well today's reason is to tell you about a special gift i recieved from two friends of mine upon their return from their trek out to NYC, it is called "The Art of Kissing". This booklet is weird, funny, corny, kinda creepy and kinda cool here is a little clip for you.....

"In kissing a girl whose experience with osculation is limited, it is a good thing to work up to the kissing of the lips. Only an arrant fool seizes hold of such a girl, when they are comfortably seated on the sofa, and suddenly shoves his face into her's and smacks his lips. Naturally, the first thing he should do is to arrange it so that the girls is seated against the arm of the sofa while he is seated at her side. In this way, she cannot edge away from him when he becomes serious in his attentions. This done, on some pretext or another, such as gallant attempt to adjust the cushions behind her he manages to insinuate his arm, first around the back of the sofa and then, gradually, around her shoulders. If she flinches, don't worry. If she flinches and makes an outcry, don't worry. If she flinches, makes an outcry, and tries to get up from the sofa, don't worry. Hold her, gently but firmly, and allay her fears with kind, reassuring words. However, if she flinches, makes an outcry, a loud, stenorian outcry, mind you, and starts to scratch your face then start to worry or start to get yourself out of a bad situation."

Ok yea i know, that was weird, but that is definitely the weirdest thing in this little booklet, in my opinion. Its so frighteningly forceful and creepy, what you pretty much just read was "trap her, and force her kicking and screaming to make out with you." Now as you all know im not the expert on how these things are supposed to work, but that way doesnt really sound like the right way, so ignore that suggestion from this book. On the other hand, everything else doesnt seem to bad ;). Anyways, it really is funny, and weird, and corny, so if you want a good laugh, or even some advice (be honest with yourself you know you want the advice) then i guess i will let you borrow it, here's a little something else from "The Art of Kissing" to leave you with, goodnight.

"All women like to be flattered. They like to be told they are beautiful even when the mirror throws the lie back into their ugly faces."

You know they say if Barbie was turned into a human being, because of the proportions she would be like 7 feet tall and not be able to walk because she walks on her tiptoes, and something like she would topple over because her head was too big or her waist was too small, and she doesnt even have nipples or knee joints. So if you met barbie in real life, that would prolly be really scary, you would think guys would typically want a barbie doll type girl, gorgeous in a word. But just remember if you were to blow up a barbie doll into a real person she wouldnt be able to walk not only because she is top heavy, but because she walks on her tip toes and cant bend her knees....so go ahead picture this in your mind.....then picture her face with a solid 3 pounds of makeup on it, kind of a dolly parton, tammy fae bakerish appearance. So next time you think a living barbie doll would be cool, remind yourself that the only benefit of this would be to watch her fall down a flight of stairs, the physics of her unproportioned nippleless body would not allow to reach the bottom of the stairs in one piece. Oh thats it! Her boobs would make her top heavy...not her head or whatever i said before, this just occured to me, sorry!

I do not know what in Gods green earth that was, i guess it was just a thought in passing. Have a good day.

"PULL OVER!!...No its a cardigan but thanks for noticing!"

Chipotle, the sound of that word makes any real living human beings mouth water, its just so delicious, so amazing, so satisfying. And tonight for the first time ever i got chipotle, and it didnt feel me up, im actually still hungry which is weird, because normally i cant finish, and i have room to spare, i have to decide if thats a good thing or not. Whoever created chipotle, whoever this God's gift to us all is, i want to have his children, but ok dont think i am racist for saying this, but hes prolly mexican, and i tried dating a mexican once, and that didnt work out too well, so im a little hesitant about going there again. So im thinking maybe the next best alternative is maybe a caucasian employee or frequent customer of chipotle, i will have his babies instead.

Have you ever seen little giants? I have only seen prolly the last half or so of the movie, and i as i watched i found a very similiar connection between myself and the character icebox. For those of you who havent seen it, icebox is the coaches daughter on the football team, and shes the best player on the team. It just reminds of me of when i was a kid and how i hung out with the boys, i was kinda a tomboy, not to that extent but thats how i classified myself. Well she has this issue with some cheerleader who wants to date the QB on her team, she was never interested in the guy, until she finally opened her eyes and saw he was the best looking guy on the team, but she saw even further that football players want to date cheerleaders, not teammates. So she desperately tries to become more feminine and cute so that she can compete with this cheerleader but she knows she has no chance. (i think alot of girls relate to this, myself included). So she quits the team joins the cheerleading squad but half way through the big game with the cowboys (the bad guys) she comes back and plays and you can imagine how it ends. Well i learned a couple things from this, 1) cheerleader types (not just cheerleaders) get more attention than they deserve and 2) us non cheerleader types cant try to make ourselves the non cheerleader types because thats not who we are, thats not what makes us beautiful, its who we are, its being natural that makes us attractive, at least thats what i think. You cant be appreciated and loved for you if you are trying to be someone else.

So thanks icebox, you taught me alot, and to all you other iceboxes out there ( i may not tackle boys but i play sports so its almost the same as being icebox) dont give up, just stayyyyy cooooollll. The perfect boy will come and you will feel more beautiful than any of those cheerleader types that you thought you could never compete with.

"A woman got on the bus with a baby and the bus driver said, "That's the ugliest baby i've ever seen!" and the woman stormed off to the back of the bus, and sat down, fuming. She turns to the guy next to her and says "i was just insulted by that bus driver!" so the guy next to her says, 'well go up there and stand up for yourself! Ill hold your monkey for you.'"

Well it looks like it is going to be another late night to kick off yet another long week, at least we made it to february, and this is a relatively short month, so we should me to the next one (that would be march) in no time. You may ask "jamie, if you are tired why dont you just go to bed early for once?" and to that i answer, one: i watched the super bowl which had to take up roughly 4 hours of my evening. two: i have to read for economics, and i havent done that yet because three: i have to say what im going to say before i do my eco or i wont be able to concentrate on it, thus prolonging the time that i will spend awake tonight.

Do you ever feel like you have worked so hard for something, to be something to achieve something, whatever, and you feel like you have accomplished it only to find out or realize that it doesnt make a difference to the people you wanted it to make a difference to? I of course am talking about something specific but its not safe for me to get into details. Whenever i found this out, that all my hard work meant nothing to those that i cared about, i felt like i had been slapped in the face, my heart sank and i felt like a huge failure, that feeling hasnt gone away entirely, probably because it was there before i even found out. Just when i start to feel like i am making a difference something like this happens and im just kicked to the curb again, all that i felt that i was good for was just stepped on, and i feel a little worthless. Not in life just in this particular situation. All i wanted was to make a difference, to be known for having the one thing i feel like i have to offer, and i dont have it, i never did, someone else did that i dont think deserves to have it at all, and they made the difference i have been wanting to make all of my life.

"Im sick and tired of bein a nobody, but most of all.....im sick and tired of having nobody."