I have really been likin this song alot lately, its just really sweet, and ya know.....i have green eyes.....so i cant help but think that maybe someday.....this amazing guy will hear this song and think of me.....


Green Eyes-Coldplay

Honey you are a rock,
Upon which I stand,
And I came here to talk,
I hope you understand,
The green eyes, yeah the spotlight, shines upon you
And how could, anybody, deny you,
I came here with a load,
And it feels so much lighter now I met you,
And honey you should know,
That I could never go on without you,
Green eyes

Honey you are the sea,
Upon which I float,
And I came here to talk,
I think you should know

The green eyes, you're the one that I wanted to find,
And anyone who tried to deny you, must be out of their mind,
Because I came here with a load,
And it feels so much lighter since I met you,
Honey you should know,
That I could never go on without you,
Green eyes, green eyes
Oh oh oh oh

Honey you are a rock
Upon which I stand

Ok guys thanks for the help on the whole links to other peoples blogs....really....i appreciated it......

Me emily and leah decided today at lunch that its time to graduate....right now.....not may 22nd, right now. School sucks, hard core...renshaw needs to take his timed writings and his tiny hands and make them just melt away like the 30 pounds that have disappeared from his midsection and turned into flabby saggy skin, mmmmm good.

As the final season of friends winds down, i remember in 3rd grade when friends was still pretty new, that i would imagine that me and my friends would grow up to be like them....3 guys 3 girls.....and of course the love of my life at the time (tyler skiles) was gonna be the equivalent of joey....or chandler i still cant decide who i like better, and i was rachel cuz she was always the prettiest and i was always the ugliest. Then i would think of my other friends being monica and phoebe and ross....and how cool that would be. but of course i didnt have us paired up like they are now....i know it was phoebe and ross together cuz they were the tallest (i dont know why) then rachel and joey, and monica and chandler ironically enough....i still havent given up on this dream....it will happen because i figure ONE thing at some point in my life should go my way.....that is theoretically of course.....so i choose this to be that one thing.....

"IIIII......i quit!.......i quit!......i quit!"

ok the blog previous to this contains nothing, that would be me trying to make links to other peoples blogs, apparantly i am incapable of doing these things on my own, someone help me.....please....i am a sad and pathetic person that i cant do this on my own....i know, so just help a sista out....

EmilyJordanCallieJoLauren

ok guys.....just for me just this once.....(unless you feel compelled to do so at another time feel free to then), comment on my blog, i have been trying to get this figured out forever......and i have accomplished my goal, satisfaction is a wonderful feeling. the next hurdle in my path would be links to the blogs of others....if you happen to have this, do your good deed for the day, be a good samaritan and help me get that going because.....well i have no real good reason for this, but i would like to think that those of you i call my friends would want to help me achieve my dreams...and right now my dream is to have links in my blog to my friends blogs, at least i have dreams...... thanks.

~"you mix your weenies with your mamas toe jam!"

~"you bob for apples in the toilet....and you like it!"

~"you play ball like a GIRL!!"

Alright so as you can see i have mixed things up a bit in the blog....let me know what you think! still dont know how to get those comments workin, and i really would like to get that goin, assuming people read this thing, and assuming further that they would have something to say about it. So who enjoyed their 3 hour first period today?! ME I DID, oh wait i lied.....at least i didnt have to take renshaw's quiz that in itself made my day! Ok just had to make sure that all 3 of you who read this have noted the recent changes, and when it is convenient for you, get back to me let me know what ya think......have a nice night.


~"this morning i delivered a set of twins to a 15 year old girl, do you know what she said to me?"

~"im a crackwhore who should have made my skeezy boyfriend wear a condom?"

~"close but no....she said i should have listened to my father!"

~"she did not daddy"

~"well thats what she would have said if she wasnt so doped up"

lkyge: what the balls?...........oh tyler, you make me laugh. I have had an epiphany, thats right portrait is seeming to have some sort of effect on me...but way to negative way to often. hello im a senior in high school! i should be livin it up not sulking! Its about time i count my blessing so here it goes....im gonna try and name almost everyone i can and everything if i skip you, my humblest apologies just let me know and i will add you......mom, dad, grandparents, my dog max, emily, jenna, traci, callie, jenni, bb, tyler, toby, zac, austin, tommy, jake, randi, jordan, russell, randy royse, jessi, lauren, john, derek, lauryn, jo, sally, brad, christy, heather, coach sager, leah, julia, megan, meghan, lauren s, brady......my nice house, my awesome truck (minus the dents but hey not everything is perfect) my constant food supply, my service learning class, the people in pals and of course the pals class i work with at oc taylor, sleep, volleyball sleepovers, catch phrase, rainy days, boston, BG, adam sandler movies, my little sisters, my cousins, FRIENDS, my cool computer, a&m, my teeth arent yellow and crooked they are white and straight, im finally in shape, my goofiness, christmas, my long hair, my cell phone, my awesomely cheap but wonderful banquet dress, victorias secret, american eagle, the movie theatre, disney movies, brad pitt, SWAT, LOTR all three, and thugz for life, ese videos, and slave music videos, stayin up all night with the girls, coldplay, stephen speaks, AIM, burned cd's and chocolate chip cookies.

Ok so this kinda turned into a list of things i love but i consider all of them blessings, to all the people mentioned, i love you and i appreciate your friendship more than you could ever know, i cherish you. (Alright so im corny give me a break and go with it....at least im not insulting you)

And as far as the things go, some may seem weird, but i think they are blessings, because i know not everyone can find that dress like i did, thats a once in a lifetime kinda thing. But my point is, my epiphany, is that im going to focus on all these things named instead of everything i mentioned in my last entry cuz this makes me so much happier, i suggest you do it, just sit down and write down everything that comes to your mind as a blessing something that makes you happy....it reminds you that hey life isnt all that bad, we have so much to live for, and we need to focus on that.

The biggest and most important blessing in my life is my relationship with God, have the Lord Jesus Christ in my heart and knowing he is in control of it all and has chosen to bless me with all of this makes no sense to me. He knows i dont deserve it but i get it anyways, now thats love, that kinda love makes me wonder how i can complain about my life because he gave his up so i could live it.

~Jer. 29:11~

I want to cry but i cant let the tears out, i want to scream but i know no one will here me. for once in my life i want there to be someone, a certain someone, to care about me as much as i do them....just once. i want to be able to rewind and start over and change things, erase all the stupid decisions i have made but thats impossible. i want to be in college but highschool seems to be getting in my way. i want economics to be over. i want to be kissed before i freaking graduate. i dont want to be a loser anymore. i want, i need the pain to go away, to just stop, for once, that is all i am asking. i want a real dad. i want to be patient. i want to be less selfish. i want to be so much closer to God that i dont have to worry about the pain because i know he will take it all away. and i know he will anyways, but when hes farther away it just seems to take longer. i want to know what im majoring in and when im gonna get this tooth pulled. i want to know when im gonna be able to stop focusing on all the bad in my life and finally see the good, am i asking too much?

Ladies and Gentlemen, i won my date with tad hamilton tonight....thats right i actually went and saw this movie. When i first saw the preview i thought lord no you have to be kidding me i would never see that movie....but the more and more i had the preview thrown at me i was like ok fine ill go see it, primarily because topher grace is just so cute. So i go into this movie with my good friend leah, and it was everything i expected it to be, cute, very predictable, but ultimately depressing. "Jamie, how is a movie like that depressing?" you might ask. Well it is for one reason and one reason only......i dont have a boyfriend. And not only do i not have a boyfriend i have no prospect of a boyfriend, herego tad did nothing but depress me. So as any average american girls who are sad about boys and how they are hurtful, we got ice cream, and decided we needed to watch another movie, so we watched freaky friday, i had never seen it.

And i dont know if tonight was to watch it either. Not only was i totally weirded out by chad michael murray's obsession with jamie lee curtis.....but it ended up with stupid lindsay lohan with her bad highlights gettin the hot guy, despite the fact that she was a total buttmunch to him.

I guess im just frustrated because of the perpetuation of the vicious cycle, i knew exactly how tad was going to end the first time i saw the preview and i knew going in that i would be leaving in a sad mood.....and i was right. But i guess its a part of bad habit...if i see a chance to experience pain im on it like white on rice, everytime. But i dont really want to get into that right now, cuz i will be over it tommorow and i will read this and be like geez im a huge idiot no one wants to read about that crap.

So i was thinking, what if they had like classes in school were they taught you to kiss.....like you would learn the basics on paper then pair up and like work on your moves on eachother, like they do in wrestling. Practice before "the big match" or in this case the big date. You could give eachother tips like "hey chew some gum before hand next time, your form wasnt bad, but the breath was unbearable" i dunno i just thought that would be weird.

"im gangsta to the core...."

"Love... we think about it, sing about it, dream about it, lose sleep worrying about it. When we don't have it, we search for it; when we discover it, we don't know what to do with it; when we have it, we fear losing it. It is the constant source of pleasure and pain. But we can't predict which it will be from one moment to the next. It is a short word, easy to spell, difficult to define, impossible to live without." - Source Unknown

Amen.....

Alright so the three day weekend is coming to an end.....and im sad, sitting here with a pain in my neck and an ache in my mouth? where did these come from one might ask....i will only say what it was because i am not in the mood to speak of unpleasant things tonight. I lost my top retainer so my teeth hurt and i got rearended tonight.....this weekend kinda blew. But really only those two parts.

One of the more thrilling moments of the weekend was my journey to southlake town center to buy bday presents for the nedderman, and i decided to do a little shopping for myself....a little me time if you will. And it was nice, it was just me and this was before it got cold so it was a nice day to walk around and spend my gift certificates. I went to AE and i find it interesting that i can pick up two different pairs of jeans both the same size and have them fit completely different. One fit good but there was that huge gap like right above the butt..ya know where if you went a size lower it wouldnt get around your butt but if you went up a size you would have baggy ugly jeans? so ok those were like that, then the others were like skin tight, the only difference between the two was that one pair was regular and the other long....and oddly enough the length wasnt even different so really the only difference was style, i just found that intriguing.

Ok so then i went to victorias secret, where they are having like a huge sale and clearance and all that, and i found it funny how many husbands/boyfriends were dragged there but im sure it wasnt torture, womens lingerie store....me and this one guy were looking through the same bin for thongs and what not, him for his wife of course, and i just found that funny awkward but funny. I have always thought that if your underwear says VICTORIAS SECRET on the band then it is extra sexy, i dont know why, maybe its just because people associate that store with a very sexual connotation, but i like it its cool. PLUS their fragrances are amazing...i love how i smell....im like a walking aphrodisiac, watch out boys...wow i have like a ton of scents from there...exotic embrace, pretty in pink, sweet temptation, sweet talk, love spell and amber romance.....all of which are amazing.


I was discussing this with some friends of mine....what if you were to have the capabilities to buy an entire state....or country or island how cool would that be? You could name it...have people at your beckon call day and night....and make yourself king/czar/emporer/duke/duchess of all the land.....i guess you had to be there for this conversation but that would be so fun i think.....(this conversation was inspired because someone put new hampshire up for auction on ebay for like $100,000,000 or something....what would you do if you could buy it?.....)


"rock it till the wheels fall off..."

Alright first and foremost, my profile wont let me put anything it in....it says there is already too much stuff in there...lo and behold im staring at a blank screen so im just one bundle of confusion...any help on the matter would be much appreciated.

Right now, im just frustrated with myself. I dont understand why i handle things the way i do, why i let myself look at situations the same way when they are totally different from eachother, why im so negative. I understand that i have experienced alot of pain, but i dont understand why i dont let myself learn and grow stronger from my experiences, i said that that was going to be my new years resolution, to learn from past experiences....yea well that didnt happen. I just hate the bad habits i cant break.....and i know there is some part of me that is strong enough to break them, im just afraid of it i guess, cause i dont know anything different, its not in my comfort zone, and thats scary. But all i know is the way i am sucks, so that implies that outside the comfort zone is the place to be....but im too afraid to just do it and make myself handle things differently, make myself look at things differently. My life is just a repetitive cycle of me allowing myself to get hurt and im tired of it, i keep letting myself think that im not letting myself get emotionally involved, that im handling my life and my emotions better but im not, and deep down i know it, but i try to convince myself otherwise. And what does this result in.....more pain.

Im ready for a new me.

"i had to find you, tell you i need you, tell you i set you apart"

You know what one of the greatest feelings in the world is? Finding an absolutely amazing bargain, uncomparable to any bargain ever known.....let me tell you my tale.

A banquet dress.....twas the goal of my quest, long and hard i searched the mills, when i found my self in the windsor outlet, in the oh so familiar dress section in the yonder backmost part of the store. With my companion traci by my side we searched the few aisles of dresses for the perfect one, and sure enough, there it twas.....betwixt a wide variety of other dresses, a diamond in the rough indeed. As i parade to the dressing room, face all a-glow with anticipation to see said dress graze my skin and form perfectly to my body as i knew it would i parted the purple curtains, and proceeded to put THE dress on....i turned around and realized i never closed the curtain before i changed and had just gotten almost naked in front of a bunch of moms waiting for their daughters to try things on....no im kidding, but i came out, the look on tracis face was one i could never forget....it was one of "there will be no other but that dress....that dress is the one...." my search was over. So with my heart filled with glee....i looked at the price tag.....$130....my world was shattered. With heavy spirits i placed my dream dress back on the rack, sulked out of the store and proceeded to wander aimlessly around the mills, knowing that i would have to settle for something second rate.....

"What about that store over there?" says traci to myself, i say whats the difference, i guess they may have something....so we enter the store they call it Deb....the clothes look cheap, and so do the people....we spot some dresses in the corner, we may as well look i say to myself so we trudge over skim through the pitiful excuses for gowns....when my eyes cascade across the room.....to the dress...in flee to the rack pull out the dress, there it is.....just my size, with a skip in my step and a gleam in my eye, i scurry to the dressing rooms, put on the dress, behold it twas indeed more comfortable than the original. Traci looks to me...."how much is it?" with trembling fingers i clench the pricetag, i blink twice.....i cannot believe my eyes......$25, it is but $100 cheaper than the original.....i smile with sheer joy, and run to the cashier line, oh the wait was worth it, my energy was restored my spirits lifted....and the cashier asked..."what school do you go to?" i say to her "colleyville" she rings me up its 26.50, and she says to me "ohhh then you must have money"
~THE END~

My insatiable desire to do nothing is overcoming me.....i simply refuse to do school this semester, those who are with me give me a here here!! Ok i have 9 games left in my basketball career, my 10 year run is coming to the end....its a weird feeling but, i think its right....i think its time. I have a proposal for all of you AP kids in renshaws class who would like to not do any work, as you know he is trying to lose weight, i say we tell him that if we encourage him and help him to continue his diet, he should add one point to our quiz grade section for every pound he loses, hes already lost 23.....with watters its a different story, hes not trying to lose weight so we are just going to have to give him a whole lot of weed and whiskey, and black tar heroin. That should do the trick.

I miss my college friends.....they make me smile.


"drop your coat and touch your toes....im gonna show you where the wild goose goes....."

you make me feel like all of me isnt enough for you, and thats a crappy feeling, the bad part is, you make me feel this way even when i dont want you like i think i do, and i still feel insufficient

"Hes a dirty irish alcoholic manwhore with one eyebrow" say what you will about colin farrell, but that man is beautiful, hes beauty can be best appreciated in SWAT (also to be appreciated in this movie is LL cool J's abdomen...that thing should be a requirement for any men desiring to be a US citizen....dang)

I recently purchased the first coldplay cd, a rush of blood to the head, i know im a little behind the times, but i dunno i dont generally like buying cd's i prefer mixes but i heard this was worth it and i feel that it was. Because i discovered what i call the coldplay trance.....this music, has the ability to take you off to a totally different world....the sound it just i dont know, its definitely dangerous when i am going down 121 and i have slipped into said trance.....i think you know what i am talking about its just a trance a trance that you understand only if you had experienced, if you have not, then you should....coldplay is wonderful, its kinda like how i mentioned the thing when you are driving down the road and you hear that one song that hits you really personally and you are like whoa....coldplay must have been the originator they really really must have.

We go back to school in t minus one day, and it makes me want to drown myself....in a pool full of euless water. Speaking of euless water, trinity....smells like a buttcrack, a buttcrack soaked in euless water. And the smell doesnt leave you, at least it hasnt left me, i played their last night, i took a shower, and sprayed quite a bit of my victorias secret sweet temptation or whatever it is in my hair....and i still smell rotten, im surprised my lungs havent collapsed from having to breathe it in, or that i havent developed mad cow disease from drinking their water, i bet its a possibility.

Alright im pissed, i have been watching high school sports special EVERY NIGHT the past 4 years, i didnt watch tonight AND I WAS ON TV, what the heck? how do i miss that? man that sucks! im a star! alright so not really but still that would have been cool to see....school sucks.

"get stupid get retarded...."

i need help, i need advice and NO ONE SEEMS TO WANT TO HELP ME i hate that, im just confused i need someone to talk to who is at least going to give me their honest opinions and help as best they can, but no one is willing and im going crazy.